remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
