I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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