I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
