ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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