I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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