is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
