You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
whose parrot is this?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
