i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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