we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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