The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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