Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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