I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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