I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
