my phone needs a breathalizer
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
