Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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