Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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