So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
