evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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