Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
