My underwear smells like fireworks.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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