I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
