I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
