Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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