Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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