dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just crazy horny about you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
