from now on my penis is your penis
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
