sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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