it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
