Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
