Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize