This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
