She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
