I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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