Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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