my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
