I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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