dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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