remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
