there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
