you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
