doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Enjoy the penises
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
