tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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