yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
