U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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