Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
