it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize