Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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