I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
