In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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