Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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