u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
