this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
