My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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