Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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