Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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