is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
