last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
