She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
