I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
