after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize