Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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