You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
