Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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