There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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