shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
