I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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