i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize