Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
